If you have come to this article chances are you bullied someone in you school or early life. It must have been a thrill to bully or harass someone for their shortcomings, for how they look, for the clothes they wear, for their sexual orientation or the colour of their skin. Perhaps you might have done it just to look cool in your group. After all who doesn’t want to be the cool guy or girl.
It may have given you pleasure it may have made you feel strong, powerful, invincible. But did you stop and think what could your bullying be doing to the guy or girl whose getting bullied? Didyou think about the psychological effects it has on them?
If you had paid attention you would have understood that your bullying could have devastating effect on someone. This becomes bigger concern when parents and teacher don’t help them when they try to confide in.
Following are he effects that bullying has on them:
They end up feeling not good enough and begin to deal with low self esteem.
They begin to get anxiety issues and depression.
They begin to isolate themselves.
Their mind goes into a constant recall mode and affect their sleep pattern.
They involve in unhealthy eating habits or even substance abuse
A few of them being to harm themselves
A few of them don’t even make it to the adulthood as they end up committing suicide.
It doesn’t end there for those who make it to the adulthood
They continue to be extremely hard n them selves.
They face problems committing to a relationship.
They cannot express their feelings which in turn becomes pent up anger and resentment
They face difficulty growing at work as they don’t feel they deserve it making them feel like an absolute failure.
So you see, the short term pleasure you had has doomed them for ever. Please understand not everyone is gifted. Very few of them are able to fight back and become confident and successful.
Remember everyone has a story which you may not know of. You may not know if the guy or girls family may be going through a rough patch. Their color, race, ethnicity and sexual orientation is not in their hands.
So before you bully someone pause and try to know his or her story. You’ll regret to even have thought about bullying him or her. Also if you bullied someone, please try and contact them and apologise. It will have a huge positive impact on them.
An advice for parents and teachers: Please talk to your children regularly and check if they are being bullied. Ensure you support them and help them fix the situation.
Self-Esteem is an extremely important factor for every human being. The track you take in life is mostly decided by your perceived value of yourself. It’s the self-esteem that decides if you will have any situation head on with confidence or or respond with panic and curl yourself in a cocoon.
A lot of us develop low self esteem due to bad experiences like being bullied at school or dealing with prolonged criticism, bad relationship etc. The low self esteem negatively affect us making us feel not good enough,depressed, hurt, anxious, guilty and frustrated.
We all go through regular ups and downs in life but if we have high self esteem we can face the given situation properly. For people with low self esteem it may be all the difference.
But here’s the good news you can always develop your self confidence with a few slow but steady practices. Let me list a few for you that you can start with:
Practice positive self talk. This helps you quiet the inner critic. You can also write a compassionate letter to your self.
Take care of yourself. Eat good food, workout regularly and sleep well
Practice positive visualization. Close your eyes and visualize how your life is changing positively. The more detailed the better.
Help others or solve a problem. This helps developing a feeling of accomplishment and boosts your confidence.
Set small goals that are achievable and take action. Reward your self for the accomplishments
Connect with the higher power. This brings a flow of positivity in your live making you feel someone is there looking after you.
Try creative ways to express yourself like painting, action monologues, music,poems,etc
Do social service. This give you a sense of worth and boosts confidence
When I was in school, I went through a very bad phase until I reached 7th grade.Most of my classmates were children of rich and famous in my hometown. My classmates would not eat lunch with me because I was not from their socio economic status. They would not be with me as my clothes didn’t look as polished as them. They would not sit besides me and often times they bullied me and made me feel pathetic about my self. Almost everyday I ate alone and the feeling was miserable.
That phase left a black mark in my head. It made me feel worthless and it stopped me from loving myself until recently. It was really hard for me, to accept appreciation from someone because my subconscious mind was not used to it. I’d straight up say you are joking right?
It also stopped me from accepting love and care from others. I’d always think I need to do things for others for them to be with me otherwise I don’t deserve them.
This also affected me adversely in my career. As I did not push hard for the promotion I should have got or asked for a better hike because I felt I didn’t deserve.
I’d look at myself in the mirror and hate my self for how I looked and trust me, I looked much! much!! much!! better then how I look now. Yet, I always managed to find flaws in my self and feel sad for that.
But as they say, everything has a saturation point. When you reach that point, you start believing in the art of not giving a f–k. I did too. After dealing with a lot of nonsense in my life time and again. I realized I was being the self sabotage that was not allowing me grow. So I decided I’d start practicing self love.
Practicing self love is extremely important. Because if we don’t love ourselves we cannot expect others to love us the way we want.
Here how I started practicing self love and you can too:
First and foremost forgive yourself and circumstances.
Look inside your self and embrace yourself for who you authentically are. And be that.
Start a self care routine by sleeping 8 hrs everyday, working out regularly, eating good food, meditating, giving your self a good massage or spa treat, etc.
Be mindful about your feelings and Journal them regularly. At times self love may not be easy. If you write down your feelings you may feel lighter and charged to continue
Practice gratitude and be thankful for everything you have in life.
Make a list of everything that you love about your self and go through it regularly.
At the end of everyday review your achievements and wins for the day. This would give you a feeling if accomplishment.
You can include all of these or add others that you feel can be beneficial for you. But start slow and be patient.
You’ll slowly start seeing the benefits of practicing self love. You’ll be more happy and cheerful and more accepting towards love.
So don’t forget to go in front of the mirror and say it to your self. I love you. You are fabulous and perfect. You deserve love and everything special in this world.
We all have been through this one situation where you are asked for a favor or commitment and you end but saying Yes to it because you feel obliged to do so. But in reality, you don’t want to do it. One reason why this happens is that we feel the need to please everyone.
“Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself while trying to please everyone” – Unknown
This was very much the case with me. I felt pleasing everyone was my responsibility and in order to do that, I would say “Yes” to every favor they ask for, even if I am not in a position to do it. So often times I would end up loaded with unnecessary work which is irrelevant to me and which no one else wanted to do. Oftentimes I would end up being the dumping grown for people who want to talk about their misery and all the bad things going on in their life. This factor also hampered my financial stability after I did financial favors to others when I was myself not in a sound position. And then all of this just made me feel overwhelmed and frustrated. It just drained me physically, Mentally and Emotionally.
All of this changed the moment I learned to say this one two alphabet word “NO”.
At one point I got so overwhelmed that I took a conscious decision to start saying “No” to things I don’t want to do. So I slowly began to say “No” to the work-related favors that others asked if I did not feel it helped me in any way. I began to say no to people who called to talk about their problems unless they were ready to talk about finding the solution and work towards it. I began to say no to people who asked for financial favors.
I would still do favors to people when I am free or have enough time and resources however for other times, I would just say “No Not at the moment as I have a lot of work” or “I am Busy at the moment ill get back to you when I am free” I do not have money at the moment”
With just this one step now I had enough time for my self. I had enough time to spend with people that loved and also do things that were fruitful for me. I was not overwhelmed anymore. I was not being physically mentally and emotionally drained. I had better control over my finances as it was not being controlled by external factors.
If you have been feeling like I was, its high time that you start to say “No” to things that you don’t want to do. Not only will this help you in every aspect of life to make it better but it will also help you to manage it better. If you fear that you would lose people that are dear to you, then fear not. As only the people who actually wanted to use you and your resources would leave. The people who genuinely care for you would understand and not get affected by it.
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