For centuries we all have been taught that men are supposed to be like a Rock – emotion less and hard. We’ve been thought men are supposed to be strong and expressing emotions are a sign of weakness and often associated it with females.
Have you seen a man crying over an emotional movie scene? Well I’m sure most of us have not. Even in the worst of situations you’ll not see them show any emotion what so ever. The reason is because they have been fed with the above belief. So they hide their feelings and emotions.
A lot of research has proven that Men are way more emotional then women. The feeling are way stronger. But because they hide their feelings it stays in them.
We all know how unexpressed emotions can lead us to mental trauma, depression and other issues. It has also been associated with major health related concerns. This is why you see the rates of suicide in Men is way higher then women. Also the rate of men dying due to heart attack and other life threatening diseases like Cancer is quite high.
But you know what, those days are gone. Please note now it is absolutely ok for Men to feel emotional and express them. It’s not a sign of weakness rather a sigh of a strong personality who is self aware and is able to let out what bothers him.
The more you express your feelings the lighter you’ll feel, the lesser burden you’ll have to carry. You’ll be more happy and content.
Here’s how you can start:
If you are one of those who cannot open to any one, you can start with a journal. Set out a day, sit in a quite room, feel every emotion and write down everything that you feel on a regular basis.
Slowly try and open up to someone close to you who will listen to you without judgement. You can choose a close family member but preferably a close friend since your family may be more susceptible to absorbing your emotions and feel sad them selves.
When you do his regularly, You’ll soon see you’ll be more open to express yourself when needed without hesitation. This is something that will have a huge positive impact on both you physical and mental health.
If you have come to this article chances are you bullied someone in you school or early life. It must have been a thrill to bully or harass someone for their shortcomings, for how they look, for the clothes they wear, for their sexual orientation or the colour of their skin. Perhaps you might have done it just to look cool in your group. After all who doesn’t want to be the cool guy or girl.
It may have given you pleasure it may have made you feel strong, powerful, invincible. But did you stop and think what could your bullying be doing to the guy or girl whose getting bullied? Didyou think about the psychological effects it has on them?
If you had paid attention you would have understood that your bullying could have devastating effect on someone. This becomes bigger concern when parents and teacher don’t help them when they try to confide in.
Following are he effects that bullying has on them:
They end up feeling not good enough and begin to deal with low self esteem.
They begin to get anxiety issues and depression.
They begin to isolate themselves.
Their mind goes into a constant recall mode and affect their sleep pattern.
They involve in unhealthy eating habits or even substance abuse
A few of them being to harm themselves
A few of them don’t even make it to the adulthood as they end up committing suicide.
It doesn’t end there for those who make it to the adulthood
They continue to be extremely hard n them selves.
They face problems committing to a relationship.
They cannot express their feelings which in turn becomes pent up anger and resentment
They face difficulty growing at work as they don’t feel they deserve it making them feel like an absolute failure.
So you see, the short term pleasure you had has doomed them for ever. Please understand not everyone is gifted. Very few of them are able to fight back and become confident and successful.
Remember everyone has a story which you may not know of. You may not know if the guy or girls family may be going through a rough patch. Their color, race, ethnicity and sexual orientation is not in their hands.
So before you bully someone pause and try to know his or her story. You’ll regret to even have thought about bullying him or her. Also if you bullied someone, please try and contact them and apologise. It will have a huge positive impact on them.
An advice for parents and teachers: Please talk to your children regularly and check if they are being bullied. Ensure you support them and help them fix the situation.
Let’s admit we all are guilty of comparison. We do it every day and we do it frequently. It is extremely difficult not to compare when you live in the world where you are surrounded by so many people who only want to show their best foot forward.
Has it happened to you? You logged in to social media and immediately images pop up of someone who has recently been on a vacation that you wanted to go. Or someone who is having a blast on weekend?
What did you do? How did you feel? Did you say something about it in your mind? I’m sure you did. I do it too. And then I feel bad, jealous or resentful.
When we compare ourselves to others we are looking at what we don’t have, or what we are not able to do. And that is one straight path to Misery Land, which my friend is totally opposite to the La La Land.
But then if it’s that bad how do we stop comparing ourselves to others? Here are 8 steps on how to stop comparing yourself to others:
Focus on what you have: The first thing is we need to do is look at our life inventory and list everything that we have. A family to care, a steady job, a roof to live under etc.
Look at someone who’s not been lucky: The next good way to feel content is look at someone who’s not been that lucky and has to struggle with family, for food, at job etc. When you look at then your problems seem petty.
Practice Gratitude: Now that you have a list of everything that you have be thankful for it. You’ll notice when you start doing this you’ll find more and more things to be grateful for.
Remember comparing is senseless: We all have a different life and we deal with different situations. We don’t know about others journey or struggles. So how can everything we have be same?
Do not measure a fish for it’s ability to fly: If we judge ourselves for something that we are clearly not capable to do, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We can expect a fish to swim and not fly. So let’s focus on our abilities instead of incapabilities
Remember social media is a lie: Often times we get triggered to compare when we are on social media randomly scrolling through the feed. But remember most of us only post the best of our moments often times with filters and editing. Go for social media detox and only use it purposefully. You’ll feel much better and lighter.
Avoid conversations that could trigger: Other then social media stay away from conversations that could lead to comparison. Be it about your or someone’s life, salary or something else. It’s extremely difficult due to social etiquettes however try as much as possible.
Remember your time will come: Today might not be the day that you have the things that you desire but there will be one day for sure. Just fucus on that and stay persistent. Slowly and steadily you’ll have everything that you want. You’ll do everything that you desire and you’ll be with everyone that you want to be with.
When things don’t go a certain way we all may have sometime or the other questioned God or the higher power “Why Me?”
But how many of us actually look inside ourselves and check if we could be doing something that’s stopping things to happen the way we desire?
If this resonates with you then read along, as these 8 habits could be killing you and your Happiness.
Being a perfectionist: A lot of us take pride in being a perfectionist. But to be honest being that way does more harm than good. When you are a perfectionist you have high expectations from your self and others, most of which may or may not be achieved and will end up making feel bad when the expectations are not met. So stop expecting everything to be perfect. Start with the best you can and grow or improve from there slowly.
Seeking Others Approval: A lot of times we do things to impress others. A classic example would be dressing in the most uncomfortable clothing only to get external validation through complements. We do this in almost every aspect of our lives. But we don’t need to seek external validation. We need to be comfortable with our decisions. We need to do things that we are happy with. We need to wear clothes that we are comfortable in.
Being Judgemental for Self and Others: A lot of times we are too quick to judge people without knowing the complete story. For example if someone is Fat, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she just eats and is lazy yo do anything. It may be that the person is going through an emotional trauma or a medical condition which he is unable to control. We do the same yo our selves when we fail to do something we give up saying I just can’t do it. So let’s not judge ourselves or others and focus on what can be done to help.
Having Self-Doubt: Thinking “I am not good enough” has killed more dreams than any thing else. Doubting your self could be the worst thing you can do to yourself. Unless you have confidence in yourself you won’t be able to take steps that are need to move ahead in life. It is important that you believe in your self and be assertive that “You can and you will.”
Trying to control everything: If you ever tried to tightly hold sand in your hand, you must know that the tighter you try to hold it, the more it drips away from the cracks. Trying to control everything also has the same results in life. A bad relationship for example. Try to let loose and let things happen on it’s own
Frequent Complaining: If you complain frequently means you are focusing too much on the negative aspect of any situation. When you complain a lot it does not always give you the solution to your problems. But it definitely off puts the other person making you appear less worthy as you keep complaining. Whenever you feel the urge to complain stop, Breath and Focus on what’s good.
Excessive Worrying: Nothing changes with worry. When we worry too much the only thing that gets affected is our state of well being both physical and mental. So let’s not worry so much and let things happen.
Cetastrophizing the future: We always keep thinking about what may happen in future and avoid living in the present. But about 90% of times what we think does not happen so why waste our precious time and not live the moment in now.
Breaking a negative habit is like quitting to smoke. You don’t need massive actions but small changes done with persistence for a long time. So go ahead and break the chain of negativity and let the positive light in.